# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
