i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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