All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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