I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
