Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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