Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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