a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
