I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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