Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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