I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Sext me about skeletons
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