Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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