I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
