no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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