I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
