Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
