I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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