I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
