imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Im part way to drunk.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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