Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
