my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
