i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
