She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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