A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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