Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
