After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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