I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
