can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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