fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
