I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
