I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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