Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
