it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
