How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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