fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
