you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
