I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
