somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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