The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
