WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
