so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
