I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
