i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
