So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
