the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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