I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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