did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
