took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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