Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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