Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
