It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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