I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
