Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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