Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
A bitchslap is in order.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
