My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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