I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
