they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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