im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
