I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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