God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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