found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
